the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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