I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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