Church boner. Awkwardddd
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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