Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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