You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
