please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
