Tell her she can't have a vagina
Welp...herpes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
