dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well most of my day revolves around power hour
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
