he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
