that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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