I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
