If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
