She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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