There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
