one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
