I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
