i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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