i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
