shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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