the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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