I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
