Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
