in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
