Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
