Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
