haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
