we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
