love makes seman taste better
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
