Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
