My nipple is on Facebook.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
