So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
