Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
