You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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