woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
