you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
