I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
