I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
