i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
