I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
