two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
