Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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