So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
