do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
