dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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