I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
