oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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