I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
