im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We named our party play list daddy issues
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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