Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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