Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
