Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
