FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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