Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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