you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
that is very illegal...i love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
