what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
