Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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