Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Four minutes until I can fart!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
