i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
