Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
