omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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