I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
