i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
