I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
