you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
