All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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