I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
