he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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