He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
