I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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