cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
