can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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