There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
