i just had sex bonerless
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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