just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize